A week at a time - Space Camp - Week 1 2016

I recently wrote a post on how I want to build on being a better parent. Following from this I am challenging myself to take 2016 a week at a time. A themed week at a time!

Why not? As a family we made the decision to stop working full time so I could provide support guidance and fantastic fun to my boy. So with a little planning ahead, I am going to ensure the time I have  Tor is full of wonder and experience.

Week #1 - Space Camp

Tor was unaware when he went to school on the Monday morning what was planned. He did not know until lunch time when he opened his lunch box to find a space themed lunch including a note. The note told him about Space Camp and also gave him a fact about space.

After school we started our adventure by going to the library to find pace related fiction and non-fiction books. We then came home for wellies, hats and gloves and a fantastic sky tracer that he had received as a gift for his birthday.

We  went to a nearby field in the darkness and flew the sky tracer. The air was filled with "awesome" and "oh yeah" and "did you see how high that went?" We talked about how it flew up and spiralled down. Tor tried to estimate where he should stand to get it to land in a certain space.

We stayed outside until our noses were cold and our wellies felt like ice around our toes.

In our new regime Tor had 45 minutes of screen time whilst I got dinner ready and then he set the table. As a family we have decided on no television through dinner and Tor has to wait until everyone has finished until he can get himself a treat or pudding. He is adapting very well to this and we have already seen a great improvement in his table manners.

Tuesday included another space themed lunch box with a space joke note. After school (with some green and blue sparkly play dough I had made) we set to make a planet with the play dough and some of hi stone collection. Once built he played with his star wars pods and mini world aliens on the planet. You are never too old for play dough!

We also made some 'meteorite' cakes. Which were indeed normal rock cakes, but to Tor these were extra special. I have to admit they were very yummy and Mr A is hoping that we make some more very soon .


Wednesday saw an alien party with some of his favourite creatures. We played space tiddly winks and Star Wars Angry Bird Jenga, both fantastic Christmas gifts. Tor read one of his space library books to his favourite teddy - Pikachu and then asked for a disco for his toys. So the disco light came out and we boomed out some music to dance to.

Thursday found us at a soft play centre which he loved and gave me some much need exercise followed by making some extremely yummy "planet pops" which we are still eating as treats.

Fridays lunch is Tor's and Mr A's favourite as they get mini pizzas and chicken nuggets. Fridays after school activity was my favourite as I introduced Tor to stop and go animation.
Tor decided on a Star Wars film again using his pods and some of his stone collection.
Tor was so excited to show Mr A when he came home from work, and we are both very pleased to share with you the video......

 

Saturday, Tor was with his Daddy  although he did manage to eat two of the planet pops we managed to make earlier in the week! Sunday, Tor spent a long time playing with his lego and having a lazy pajama day. So I finished the week off with a lego man lunch.

 

 

We have had a fantastic week and Tor spent a lot of Sunday evening asking what the next week would have in store for him. No clues were given - I've not planned that far ahead!

 

I have been posting pictures of the different activities we have been doing on Instagram and Twitter so if you fancy following our weekly progress then feel free to take a look. Please use the buttons at the top right of my blog and they will take you straight there!

Building on being a better parent

Christmas was an amazing and beautiful time for myself and my little family. It was the first time that I have been able to spend the holiday season with my son. It showed me that the big decision that myself and Mr A was so right and it makes the hard times so worth it.
Spending that much quality time with your child, constant quality time is very new to myself and Mr A. Tor is either at school for part of the day or visiting his Dad for some of the weekend so the length of time we spend together as a family added together is not actually that much. Therefore two solid weeks was beautiful but also a eye opener.

As with all things, I look into them too deeply, I care far too much and want to set things right if needed. There were a few things I had noticed about my relationship with Tor that I felt needed working on or tweaking so to speak.

The biggest eye opener were our table manners as a family. Tor has never been a sit still on the spot for longer than five minutes kind of child which matches his bouncing personality but I noticed how through being a little lazy on my part I had not provided him with the right guidance so that table times were a happy occasions, especially at other peoples houses or a cafe or restaurants.

Our normal dinner time was at the table, netflix on the television. When Tor had finished he always asked to leave the table politely and then went to eat pudding or a treat on his bean bag watching the television even if we were still finishing or dinner.

Not too bad really in a busy household and I do not think it would be a issue if Tor's table manners in different places were good but they are not. Therefore we have implemented some changes in the Torsmum household.

Something that we had always noticed with Tor and something I have looked at time and again throughout the years, was the effect that any 'screen time' has on Tor. He is a very active and enthusiastic child but after just half an hour of watching television or playing on a tablet, pc or games console his activity increased to a level that I find difficult to handle. I'm meaning, jumping off the furniture, talking non-stop, whinging, shouting, being overly emotional kind of active.

Some of the ideas that I have had in the past have worked and have showed me that there definitely is a correlation in screen time and behaviour. The issue I have had is that due to our busy lives and due to laziness on my part these ideas have faded out and the problem therefore still stands. Therefore we have implemented some changes in the Torsmum household.

The last part of our relationship that I focused on is what we actually do together. Not really a lot. We are together, we have time playing games and reading, but to me this wasn't enough. I personally wanted to make a change to how I parent, how I play, to encourage Tors amazing imagination. To ensure that we have the best time when we are together.

I am taking 2016 by storm. We are going to make 2016 the best time ever. We are going to grow as a little family and myself and Mr A are going to guide and encourage Tor as well as we can on his amazing journey through life.

We are near the finish of Week one of January. I had some surprises in store for Tor, which have gone very well. So keep a check on the blog for new posts on our new weekly regimes.

Happy New Year!

How we teach our children to be with elderly people

Inspired by the recent release of the John Lewis Christmas advert "The man on the moon" I started to think about my sons relationship with elderly people that we know and those that are part of my family.

Part of bringing up a child is teaching them to adapt to different scenarios and I believe that this is an important development that they need help with.

I remember being a young child sitting around the dinner table with my large family. My Great Grandad was always there. I loved him and cared that he was well and happy but, I struggled to know how to interact with him. Often the only interaction was if I needed to help with something or if he had started to speak to me. I found myself nervous of saying the wrong thing, upsetting or even hurting him. He was an amazing man and I loved being in his company but there was something that did make me hesitant.

With my Grandparents, I have grown as they have grown and therefore it has been a natural progression of learning to cope with illness, changes in living and what is able to be done as they grow older. I feel very comfortable helping my Grandma, being with her. I thoroughly enjoy her company and we often have moments of hilarity.

Just because I have this type of relationship with my Grandma, It does not mean that my son does.
When you are a small child I believe elderly people can be a little intimidating. Not through any aggression or malice but because they can often be loud due to hearing problems. They can often step across the boundaries of personal space without meaning to. Due to this, I believe that we need to teach and help our children to understand this and give them the tools to deal with it and build up their own relationships.

I have been quite hard on my son at times when he has not wanted to give his Great Grandma a hug, or does not answer her questions clearly or straight away. I have seen this as being disrespectful to a person that cares and loves him. Maybe I need to re-think this?

Tor has an amazing relationship with his Great Grandma. He will sit and read with her. They play funny jokes. They discuss words and meanings.
When Tor returned from his holiday in Namibia we visited Great Grandma and he patiently showed her every photograph and spoke about them. It was at this moment that I realised that he did understand, he had adapted himself to her needs and because he was able to do this he shared a very intimate and special time with her.

So, I have learnt that I need to guide Tor with his relationships with older people. I need to be aware of things that might intimidate him but still ensuring that he maintains a level of respect and care.

I suppose in lots of ways this should be the way for all relationships in life.

So, whatever you think of the new Christmas advert, it does give you reason to think even if it is not in the way the advert was intended for.

I have linked this blog post with the following blog hops:

Reward Charts - Torsmum style

The first time I introduced Tor to a reward chart was when he was learning to use his potty. Looking back I am not really sure why I adopted the idea in the first place but since then we have tried out lots of different reward concepts and styles. All have worked, all for different reasons.

I think the reason why they have worked for Tor is because I have tailored them to suit him and his needs at the time. I do not think a one fits all approach works, well at least it does not work for Tor.

I hope that getting all of the different ideas we have used out on my blog will help all to tailor or personalise to their children's needs or even decide that the reward system is not for them. In no particular order, here are our reward charts, Torsmum style.........

GOLD STAR GALORE
Tor was being 'potty trained'. He was full-time at nursery at the time and his nursery were very happy to work in a way that suited Tor and suited our home life. At that moment in time Tor was Star Wars mad, to be honest not much has changed that way!
As Tor was still quite young, around 3 years old if I recall correctly, I did not want anything too complicated and I wanted something that could work both at home and at his nursery.
Tor really, really, really loved General Grievous. So the simple idea came about.

• Get a A4 piece of paper
• Get a shed load of Gold Stars

The target was to get all the gold stars on the paper. For every time he attempted to use the potty or toilet, for every time he managed it, for every time he told me he needed the toilet a gold star went on the paper. When all of the gold stickers were applied to the paper then General Grievous was coming his way. My hint here is to have copious amounts of gold stickers so that the reward was not given until the potty training had succeeded.

Tor is still very proud of his achievement and nearly 4 years later the gold star page is still on our wall.

TV TOKENS

I wrote a post about TV Tokens nearly a year ago. It worked very well for about two weeks. The general gist was that he started started with a quota of 30 minutes of television a day. If he did good things then he was rewarded with more time and if his behaviour was not good then tokens could be taken away.

The reason this worked was because it had a goal. The goal was to teach him that there is always a result to both good and poor behaviour and also for him to realise that watching television was not the be all and end all of things to do.

The reason it was short lived, I must admit was down to me. It was hard work for me.

Now i am not one to shy away from hard work, especially when it comes to Tors behaviour, but I realised that it took so much patrolling that I was becoming quite slack with it and rather than it becoming a chore over a rewarding system we decided to stop. 

The reason Tor thinks it stopped was because he had done so well and turned his poor behaviour around. Which in a lot of parts is very true.

I CAN DO THIS

This is a system wish I had a record of.

It again, was one that I introduced whilst Tor was in nursery and it was to reward the things he could do on his own. To encourage his independence with daily tasks and for him to feel proud of his achievements even if they were small.

Tor had two small boxes. One had a pile of tokens in it and the second I fashioned like a small post box.

The tokens were hand made and laminated. Each Token had a picture on which signified something he could do.

• Get dressed
• Get un dressed
• Wash his face
• Wash his hands
• Tidy up
• Extra special smiley face

Any time that Tor did one of the above tasks on his own or with very little assistance from himself then he took the appropriate token and posted in the post box. I made sure that there was enough tokens for each day. 

The extra special smile face was for any extra task that he did that I felt should be recognised.

At the end of the day we counted the tokens in the post box and if there was more in the post box than in the original box then he was rewarded with something of his choice. Within reason, most of the things he chose were an extra story at bedtime, an extra 10 minutes of television.

This eventually faded out as he went to school and I expected him to do these things as a matter of course rather than something to be rewarded.

POCKET MONEY STICKERS

This lasted a couple of months but Tor struggled with its generalisation and got bored of it. My friend used this method, or their version of it (I copied!) very well with her two children.

It is very simple to set up. All you need is:

• A grid drawn out on a piece of paper - How many squares it has is completely up to you
• Lots of stickers of any type

When Tor had a good day at school he put a sticker in a square. When Tor did something I felt was worth rewarding, he put a sticker in a square. If he helped with a job, sticker in the square.

When the whole grid was full of stickers a pre-agreed treat was given. Tor chose to have some pocket money.

OUR CURRENT REWARD CHART - THE CHART THAT REWARDS

We are into the second week of this reward chart and it is working very well. I picked up a reusable wipe clean reward chart from Tesco's that I think only cost me around £3.00. It had removable stickers although I am not sure how long these will last as on Sunday it took me about fifteen minutes to remove them!

Each day Tor has the opportunity to have 10 stickers awarded to him. Some reward spaces are for specific things and three are for "special stickers" where I can reward him for helpful jobs or fantastic behaviour.

1) Get dressed - getting dressed in the morning, must be done as soon as he is asked to and must be done within five minutes. Tor struggles with this as there are always things to distract him
2) Wash teeth - must be done either on his own or with my help
3) Special Sticker Space

4) All remembered - Did Tor remember everything he should have taken to school, bring home from school and do at school? This is to help him to remember to hand in any forms, bring home his reading book etc.

5) Good School Day - It does what it says on the tin.

6) Clear Dinner plates - Tor needs to clear his plates and cutlery off the table at the end of dinner

7) Special Sticker Space

8) Special Sticker Space

9) Read School Book/Do Homework - It does what it says on the tin

10) Wash teeth - must be done either on his own or with my help

Because there are tasks in there that relate specifically to school I have put in a black cross on Saturday and Sunday for these. Also this week being half term he is going to stay with his Dad for a couple of days so I have also crossed these out.

The reasoning behind this is his end of week reward is dependant on how many stickers he has received. Last week he could have received a total of 66 stickers which would have resulted in a £3.00 reward. If he received 50 - 65 stickers it would be £2.00 and 25-49 stickers £1.00

I have done this so that even if he missed a couple of stickers he still has something to aim for by the end of the week.

Last week he received 41 stickers and was awarded £1.00

Today was the first day of the new week. His targets are as follows:

25 - 34 stickers £1.00

35 - 42 stickers £2.00

43 stickers £3.00

He did extremely well today and has been rewarded all 10 stickers. His special stickers were for going to the shop for milk on his own, drying up and some amazing spontaneous maths skills at the dinner table.

I think with this one I may tailor it each week dependant on what direction I feel he may need a little encouragement in. It is working really well at the moment and the main thing is that Tor is really enjoying it and is responding positively to it.

TORSMUM TIPS

When looking at a reward system, I would recommend the following:

1) Do something that has a purpose. Do not do one just for the sake of it, make it work for what you and your child would like to achieve.

2) Make it fun

3) Make it achievable

4) Do not make hard work for yourself

5) Change it, let it evolve

6) If it doesn't work, do not do it

7) Do not use it as the only source of praise. Keep praising, keep rewarding at other times.

I do hope this has been useful, please feel free to share your own ideas or ask any questions if you would like.

The Golden Ticket Saga - How would you deal with this?

On Saturday we ventured to the open day at Sacrewell Farm with my sister and her two beautiful children.
It is an amazing place and I would recommend it to the young and old, if you have children or not.

We had a really fun time in the play barn, a great time seeing the animals and all of the children had a go at playing pooh sticks.

Now, when we first came in to the farm, a lovely lady told us to look out for the hidden golden tickets that are all over the farm in the chances of winning a prize.

We were lucky, not only did we find one, we found three tickets. One for each of the children..........phew!

For the last half an hour of looking at the animals Tor would constantly ask, "when do we get to hand in the golden tickets?" I distinctly remember a golden ticket song starting up!

We arrive back at reception and Tor excitedly hands in his Golden Ticket. He gets offered a bowl with raffle tickets in and he chooses one. The number on the raffle ticket  matches one of the fantastic prizes on the table in view.

Both of Tor's cousins do the same and receive a cuddly pony and a puzzle. Perfect prizes and smiles all round.

Tor is handed his prize. Its a bottle of blueberry cordial.

Silence.

I am not really sure what to say to him.

He is not really sure what is happening.

As you can imagine, for a seven year old boy, this is not really the prize that he was expecting or would like.

I would like to say now before I venture further into the story that all of the prizes that Sacrewell Farm had on display (including the bottles or cordial) were brilliant prizes and I in no way would expect them to have done anything about the poor luck that Tor had been dealt.

So, we were then on the receiving end of a rather tearful, cross and confused little boy. I did feel very sympathetic and could understand the tears. What I struggled with was the anger and the fact that he expected something would be done about it if he cried and stomped and generally had a strop.
As far as I am concerned that he does need to understand that sometimes life isnt always fair. It is how you react to things that is more important.
I started to get very cross with him, at his back biting and his tears. I would not back down and I expected him to calm down.
I did tell him I understood why he was unhappy but until he calmed down that nothing could be our would be done about it.

So in the middle of the entrance to a very busy place, filled with families, I told him off, I shouted at him. He cried and tried to sit down. I told him to stand up.

I do have to praise my beautiful niece and nephew for being extremely calm, they looked affectionately at their cousin and obviously cared that he was upset.

My Sister was a saviour. Unbeknownst to myself and Tor, she had purchased a tiny little cow for him. She came over and backed me up and explained that he needed to calm down.

We left after a few deep breaths and drove back to my sisters house. It was not until Tor had completely calmed down and that I had said that it was OK, did my sister hand him the little cow (affectionately known as Moo-Moo now).

Tor was very pleased and very appreciative. I was very appreciative. Thanks big sis!

So, how would you have dealt with the situation? I look back and do not know if I acted the right way. But, at the same time I am not sure how else I would have dealt with it.

I am definitely open to ideas from everyone!

Why museum visits are essential in a childs life

When you see a childs eyes open wide with wonder. When you see them running from exhibit to glass case to sign. When you kneel down and talk to them about about what they are looking at. When they question. When they imagine.

As a mother it is the most amazing feeling.

This is why museum visits are essential in a childs life.

We have just returned from a visit to The Natural History Muesum in London. We have been meaning to go for a while and my gosh it was worth the wait.

I have been many times as a child and I had taken Tor before when he was three years old but now at six it was as if a whole new world had opened up to him. With his new reading skills and his amazing knowledge of dinosaurs he was in his absolute element.

It was fantastic to see so many families, so many children opening their minds an hearts to the possibilities of the world. It is a must for all children growing up.

If you have not yet taken your child to any museum then please do so. You will be astounded by the information they soak up and you will all leave as different people. Support your local museum, go to one that blows your mind.

I cannot wait to go again. An amazing day.

Winchester Science Cente and Planetarium - Review

Myself and Tor visited our family in Berkshire over the weekend and they organised a surprise visit to the Winchester Science Centre.

There were three adults, one Tor (aged 6) and an teenager in our party.

We arrived to find it well signposted and with ample parking. The sun was shining and we were all excited to visit.



As we walked up towards the centre we could see the planetarium clearly which added to the excitement of what we were going to find inside.

As we entered the excitement built as we immediately saw families having an enjoyable time.

Admission Prices are reasonable (even more reasonable when treated by Nanny and Grandad!) and I feel you definately get your money worth.

What Nanny did not tell Tor was that there were some special visitors to the centre that day and Tor's face was a picture when he realised that Darth Vader and his troopers were walking around talking to the visitors and having their photos taken. I couldn't believe how tall Darth Vader was!

After the shock and excitement of meeting these amazing characters from Star Wars we all went and explored all of the amazing hands on 'experiments/apparatus'. There was two floors full of activities that were suitable for all ages. In fact you could see the look of eagerness in the parents eyes to get in there and have a go themself. Both Tor and 'A' (teenager) were engrossed and zigzagged around the centre to try out everything.

The favourite for all of us was controlling a ping pong sized ball with your mind. I think, myself and A spent a good 5 minutes battling our brains before A won hands down!

Myself and Tor went downstairs to a small staged area where we watched a talk for children on the forces of nature. Tor was eager to help out on stage! It was informative and fun and easy for all ages to follow and join in with.

One thing that really impressed me was that as well as the cafe there was both an inside and outside eating area where it welcomed you to eat your own picnic. This really does make it an affordable day.

I have to say there was nothing about the visit that I could criticize, even the toilets were clean!

Myself and Tor rounded the day off with watching a short film in the planetarium. This is an extra but small charge. They show different small films at specific times through the day. We saw The Life Of Trees. The film was fantastic and definitely perfect for Tors age.

Watching a film in the planetarium was an amazing experience. I would recommend it to everyone. There were points where we felt we were flying. If you get the chance to go to one then do it!

We all left the centre buzzing and chatting about what we had done. It was fantastic and we would all go again when we get the chance.

How do you show your child how proud you are of them?

When a reward chart is not big enough, when a hug cannot last long enough, how do you show your child how proud you are of them?

Today was my last day at work until after the Easter weekend. Myself and Tor have ten whole days off together. I am so excited!

When being off work for such a long time I always hope that I can leave my desk knowing I have covered as much as possible and not leave any of my colleagues in the lurch. We have all been so busy at work and I have certain jobs that have to be done on a Friday.

So, today at 4pm I knew I was not going to get everything done. Luckily I have fantastic employees and organised a lift to collect Tor just before six and bring him back to work so I could finish everything off.

Tor astounded me. He understood straight away that I needed to work, he did not moan, he did not question it.

He........
1) Played on the CBeebies website on the desk next to me
2) Drew on a spare whiteboard and rubbed everything out afterwards
3) Read
4) Made himself a drink
5) Played with my boss for an hour (told you they were lovely people!)

He was amazing. We were there for nearly two hours. We did not get home until 8 o'clock. There was not one bad thing I could say about his behaviour or attitude.

He astounded me.

I have told him I am proud. I gave him so many hugs. I told him again how proud I was.

At six years old I do not think he realises how amazing this is, that how he has helped so many people at my work because I was able to get on and finish appropriately before our holiday.

How do you show your child how proud you are? Sometimes hugs, kind word and reward charts just do not do it justice.

The television bug

Anyone who knows me well will agree that I am not one to preach or to tell people how they should live there lives. Everyone is different and thats how life should be. Therefore, this is not a post that tells you how you should cope with a child who would like to watch television every minute of every day, this is just how I have gone about it and how it worked for us.

We managed to get ourselves in the routine of having the  television on when we ate breakfast, when I was having a shower, when I was washing up, when we ate dinner, when I was ironing.....the list goes on. I did not like this routine. Tor did.

I have to admit it was easy, that it meant I had time to relax or time to get things done but then on the other hand I found it over stimulated Tor and resulted in some not great behaviour patterns. What I did was on a whim, it was not planned but it worked. So here are my eight steps for cutting down on television time that helped me and have helped Tor.

1) Come up with a reason of why you should cut out television for a whole week. Now I was lucky, (ummm maybe not too lucky) as my reason just blurted out of my mouth without thinking. Tor had a pretty bad destructive behaviour day. I was at the end of my tether. I was fed up with the whinging, I was fed up with the answering back so it came out. "RIGHT, THATS IT, NO TELEVISION FOR A WEEK". And yes, it was said in capitol letters. So after the crying and the whinging he took it like a six year old boy/man and went with it.

2) Be ready to be asked if the television can go on the minute your child wakes up. Be ready to bite your lip and say no. I had to hide the remote from myself so I did not give in. Actually I forgot where it was for three days!

3) Come up with fantastic Mummy ideas of what to do instead. Or in the real world, panic and pretend you have thought about the whole thing and then come up with hair brained ideas. I only had one day of darting around the house collecting paper and pens and sellotape as then Tor started coming up with ideas of his own. So chances are you will be left off the hook on this one.

4) Audio books are your friend. Have a selection at hand to put on during meal times. Then laugh as your child seemingly stares at the cd player as if its a television. But, there is a warning, you will find yourself not wanting to nip for a shower as you want to find out what Bilbo Baggins does next. Its more captivating than Nanny Plum in Ben and Hollys little Kingdom!

5) Be ready to have your house looking like absolute carnage. You will have so much fun playing lego, making snakes out of cardboard and reading books that you end up with a who cares about the washing up attitude as you are having so much fun.

6) Make sure you have more than one audio book as Bilbo Baggins may get on your nerves after 8 cd's.

7) Ensure you find the remote control by the end of the week so you can cuddle up and watch and film as a treat to you both. I recommend having popcorn so that you can choke on the popcorn kernels. Yes, fantastic fun.

8) Have lots of fun. Your child may ask at odd moments to ask television but in my view they are so easily distracted from the lust of squeaky voices and annoying theme tunes when there are giggles along the way.

Now when the week is up and you have watched television again, try not to let yourself fall into the old routine. I say this with utmost confidence and amazing Mummy knowing as I have managed one whole day after the week ban of not going back to our routine. Its amazing hey?

This morning I offered an audio book to listen to and he jumped at the chance. After school I said lets play with lego and he was very excited. So today Tor has only watched 20 minutes of television.

I am sure that come thursday and I start to become tired that the enthusiasm and hair brained scheming will become laborious, I may crack. I may rely on the brain numbing powers of Power Rangers.

So I leave you with some great pictures of the silly things we have achieved when we said NO in very loud voices to television, for a bit!

Yes, its a mothers day post!

Its not often I post about single mummyness. For me it was a choice to become a single parent and one I will never regret. Parenting on the whole is extremely difficult and that goes for all types of families so I do not feel anyone has the right to say who has it worst off or have a martyr attitude.

Today, however I wanted to post on how amazing it is to be a single mummy on mothers day. I have to admit I have had some rather stressful or disappointing mothers days previously and maybe that has had a lot to do with silly expectations and/or my attitude leading up to the day.

This was my 6th mothers day as a mother and my 3rd as a single parent.

The run up to mothers day has been very quick, I don't know about you but this year and especially March has been absolute mayhem and is going very fast. On the odd opportunities of reading fellow bloggers posts I have come across people excited for mothers day and also people loathing it and seeing it as commercialism gone too far. I have mixed emotions.

I see it as a time to be able to express your love and thanks to your family. To share the goodwill to your friends. But most I see it as a special time to make the day spectacular for my son as well as giving myself something to look back on with happiness.

As a single mummy you do miss out on the things like being given a lie in or breakfast in bed. Maybe some years you do not get a card or a present. This completely depends on the age of your children, your family and your children's father.

I am a very lucky single mum.

My relationship with Tors dad is very good at the moment. We are able to chat freely about Tor, able to organise visits easily. This was a bonus this year as he very kindly took Tor to the shop to pick out a very lovely card and helped him to write in in. It was a very lovely surprise and Tor was very proud when he gave it to me. And yes, I sent his dad a thank you text to say I appreciated the thought. Simple things make such a big difference.

My amazing mummy sneaked in a gorgeous little token for Tor to give me and I have had at least four coffee's in it already (can you guess what it was?). Such a lovely thought and her way of ensuring I do not miss out on the things that a lot of two parent families experience.

Ok, now I realise I am rambling on. I will get to the point!

Having a fantastic mothers day for single mothers I think has a lot to do with your own attitude. I woke up feeling positive and thinking whatever happens it will be a lovely day. If you wake up scared of it then I do believe you bring on negativity yourself. Although this is easier said than done.

I thought of the things that both Tor and myself enjoy to do. This day isn't just about me its about our relationship. Lets face it, I wouldn't be a mother without him!

So mentally I listed the things I thought would be great.

1) Nice breakfast
2) Making Tors Pterosaur wings - he has been asking for ages and the first attempt was a definite fail!
3) Reading together
4) Baking cakes
5) Tickling and hugging

When we both woke up and he proudly showed me the card and yes, you guessed it my new cup (with little bear) we went down for breakfast. Tor who is a weetabix monster had his usual, I treated myself to croissants. No television was my rule, and as it was mothers day there was no whining! So we had it as a picnic on the living room floor.

Breakfast over by 6.30am and I told him I was going to make the Pterosour wings. There was a "woohoo" and a "really?" and then the cutest "oh your amazing mummy".

I set to work whilst my six year old sat on me, climbed on my back, wiggled when I tried to measure him, played with lego, sat on me, wiggled, tripped over the lego. Halfway through I remember I am on call for work and I rush to check for messages.......phew there was none. I take a break, I have a coffee. My neck hurts. The happiness and excitedness that Tor was showing made it so worthwhile.

Tor was over the moon with the finished wings. I have to admit I was quite impressed with myself!

After a lot of flying off furniture and flapping about he asked if he could watch his walking with dinosaurs video. Now I am cracking down on the amount of television watched. But, today, why not. I said yes. He hot footed it upstairs and I enjoyed a coffee and time to post my silent sunday picture.

When he came down he asked if with could go to the museum. Now this wasn't on my mental list. What a fantastic idea! Yes, yes, yes, I would love to go to the museum. So we did! Tor flapped his way donning a pirate hat to the bus. Flapped his way down the street to the museum and dashed straight to the dinosaur room. We had lots of fun. It was very quiet so we were able to jump from room to room and I let him show me everything. There was lots of "oohs", lots of "come and look at this". I was blessed to be with my boy so excited.

The rest of our day involved baking cakes, reading, homework, watching The Little Mermaid, eating cakes, reading, laughing, hugging.

Generally it was amazing. It was happy and it was perfect for me.

So, single parents out there, you do not need to miss out on the celebrations, you make it how you wish. If you want to be stressed you will be. If you invite hostility it will come. But, if you hold your head up high, if you laugh, if you smile, It will be the most amazing day of the year.

Mmmm, yummy cakes!

 Happy Mothers Day to everyone.

My little mad scientist - spy style

Tor has been asking for ages to make some spy gadgets. After an early morning wake up from him and playing vets whilst he was adorned in his Doctors coat he turned round and said, "actually Mummy this coat makes me look like a scientist!"

I did my normal Saturday morning clean up of the house and then we sat down and finally started to make some spy gadgets. We cut. We got tangled up with sellotape and then it was time to go into work so we left the piles of paper and went to work for a few hours. I am very lucky that Tor really enjoys coming to work with me and both of my bosses are very welcoming to him.

One of the things that Tor was very determined on was to utilise the work printer to print out some pictures of grappling hooks. So we did this before returning home.

After the mad dash outside to retrieve my damp washing from the garden (sudden downfall of rain!) We again sat down and Tor was very adamant that today was the day to make the best spy gadgets of all time.

So still with the scientist/vet/doctors coat on and in a sellotape frenzy we came up with a watch that shoots out lasers and a "Super Spy Rucsac" that has its own grappling hook!

We had a lot of fun, but the fun had only just started.

As Tor was now a scientist he decided that he had to test out all of his new gadgets which I had to admit was definitely the thing that all good scientists do. So I came up with the idea of filming Tor during his testing. The filming had us in hysterics. I was so proud of my boy and you can see in the films below how much fun he had!

Super Spy Rucsac - Test 1

Super Spy Rucsac - Test 2

Super Spy Rucsac - The Strength Test

The Laser Watch - How it works

The Laser Watch - In action

So there you are in a nutshell, the fun we have on a Saturday. Happy Tor, Happy Mummy

Little Whinging

If you are a big Harry Potter fan like myself and Tor then you will know that 'Little Whinging" is a town in Surrey. Actually, I think it is a real place. In the last month I have thought that I lived in Little Whinging just for the amount of whinging I have had to endure. Its been relentless.

So putting the fantastic Mr Potter aside, this has been my morning and evenings for the last few weeks.

So where do I start?

I start with the moment I wake up to Tor clambering onto my bed with the delightfully amazing bright chirpy voice of  "Morning Mummy, what's for breakfast?". A good start. I already know the answer its going to be Weetabix. We go downstairs and Tor is already asking for the television to be on. Now this is a normal occurrence in our household that TV can be watched in the morning. The first problem though is getting dressed for school. Now we tried the laying out his clothes for him to get dressed whilst the television is on and this has resulted in me almost taking him to school with his pajamas on. So, the rule is the television gets turned off or paused whilst he gets dressed. This rule was imposed nearly two months ago but still every morning.......

"Muuuuummmmmyyyyyy, don't turn the tv off, I waaaaannnnnntt to watch the tv"

I have never ever given in to whiny moaning, so why on earth does he do it.......every morning! Without fail! In fact I only have to count to three to myself after I say to him its time to get dressed for the same words to come out of his mouth in the most annoying nasal whiny moaning sounding voice.

"Muuuuummmmmyyyyyy, don't turn the tv off, I waaaaannnnnntt to watch the tv"

Oh my word!

Fast forward to picking Tor up from after school club, we have had a nice chat, its all smiles then......

"Muuuuummmmmmyyyyyy, I neeeeeeeeeeed a drink, can we go to the shop?"
"Why can't we go to the shop, I neeeeeeeeeeed a drink!"

"Muuuuuummmmmmmyyyyy, I don't want to read my book when I get home!"

"Muuuuummmmmmmyyyy, my legs are sooooo tired!"

Ouch, my head is bursting.

Tor is a very happy, very bouncy energetic boy. I can cope with the boisterous behaviour (just about), I can cope with the energy, I can even cope with the slip up every so often of being rude.

I cannot cope with whinging.

I only hope this is the phase of a six year old.

I am still not giving in. I am far too stubborn for that!

A Magic Garden

It is a magic garden. It was bought from a charity shop. It is much more than that.

This little gift and photo has meant so much to Tor and given me a little hope.

It must really be magic.

I will rewind back to the turn of the new year.
Unfortunately Tor was not able to see his Dad as much as we all would have like. There were many reasons for this but for all parties it is upsetting. Foremostly for Tor, obviously for his Dad and very much for myself.

No matter how angry or bitter any separated families get, it is my opinion so important that both parents and their families get time together. Yes, I would not be human not to be infuriated by behaviour that at that instance could be seen as shirking responsibility or being selfish, but that is at that instance, that was how we all felt at that time.

There has been great bounds forwards to enable Tor to spend quality time with his Daddy. He has had a few saturday afternoons of fun with him intermingled with missed visits and mistakes on what was already planned.

This week being half term and I was at work. Tor was at his fantastic holiday club which he absolutely loves and thrives in. I took the plunge and I offered the chance of an overnight visit with his Dad. Dad seized the chance with great enthusiasm which I was so happy about. It was organised for Tuesday night.

Now, if you ever have seen a little one's face when something they were looking forward too did not happen ,you will understand that I decided not to tell him about the planned sleep over with his Dad. I took him to holiday club as normal and the staff their were aware that he was going to be collected at lunch time but they were not to let Tor know.

About 11.30am and I am sat at work getting butterflies, but for some reason it was not through worry of him not being collected, it was because I was starting to doubt whether I had made the right choice in not telling Tor. What if he was so surprised he did not want to go? What if in his little mind he had decided that there was something specific he wished to do in the evening with me?

I was surprised at these feelings, as I had never had them before. Where had they come from? Is it because the last sleep over at his dads was before Christmas?

So I kept myself busy (which is not hard at work at the moment!) I called holiday club at just gone one and it was confirmed that he was collected and was a very happy boy.

YES!!!!!!!

I called Tor's dad after work. The conversation was relaxed, he had taken Tor for lunch and they were at a friends house for tea. Tor was watching Ben 10. Tor came on the phone.

Me - Hey Bubba, are you having a good time?

Tor - Hi Mummy, you didn't tell me Daddy was picking me up.

Me - Was it a nice surprise?

Tor - The best, Thanks Mummy, Daddy has got me a surprise when we go to his house.

Me - Ooh that sounds exciting!

Tor - ......................................(thats the silence when Ben 10 turned into Fourarms)

Tor - Bye Mummy, love you.

Relief, my boy was happy and sounded great. Tors Dad was happy and sounded relaxed. I was happy and got back to work.

Fast forward to the Thursday morning. Tor had come home wednesday night full of beans and very tired! So on our way to holiday club the following morning he started to tell me about the garden that Daddy had got him. It was magic, he had to build it then put salty water on it and in the morning the trees had blossom on them and the grass had little flowers. Tor was full of such enthusiasm about it.

Thursday afternoon and I received a text message. It was a message from Tors Dad. No words just a photo. He had taken a photo of the garden that they had made together. It made me smile.

As soon as I collected Tor from holiday club. I showed him the picture. He was near crying from happiness. He was so pleased that his garden has grown some more. Then he said..

"My Daddy remembered me Mummy, he remembered that that is our garden, he sent me that picture just for me."

Decision making at six years old

This passed week has had me thinking about the decisions we let our little ones make. Do we actually let them make a true decision or do we steer them to make choices that we as adults think they should make?

Our morning normally starts with the question, "what would you like for breakfast?" In fact I ask this at least five times every morning as it takes that many times before I get an answer. Nine times out of ten, in our household, it is normally "Weetabix please!" There are mornings when I realise that we have no milk left but I still ask the same question. The answer is again the same but I follow it up with, "don't you want toast today?"

Why did I do that? Why didn't I just tell him there was no milk but I can make toast instead?

I ask him to go and get his pants and socks and he always returns with that small pair of pants I keep forgetting to take out of his drawer and the bright red Jake and the Neverland Pirates socks. I say to him "are you sure you want those, don't you think these would be better?"

Why did I do that? Why didn't I tell him what underwear to get and why is that pair of pants still in his drawer?

I am finding more and more that I ask Tor to make decisions but then follow up with swaying the choice he has made. Is this right? Am I not giving him responsibility and then taking it away?

This week Tor has made two very big decisions (in my eyes) for a six year old. One involving football and one involving his hair. Well I think he has made the decisions himself. I do not think I have pushed him one way or another, but thinking back I am questioning myself.

Decision One - Football Club
It has taken me a very long time to find a club for Tor to attend that is affordable, fun and on a day when he can attend.  Tor has been to this football club about 4 or 5 times. The people are fantastic, a friend from school goes as well.
The last few times it has been a struggle to take him. One time he asked to go home halfway through.
Now, I struggle with joining a club and then not giving back the commitment to the people that have given you the opportunity.
So, I asked Tor if he definitely wanted to go to Football club. He said yes, then he said no, then he said yes, then he said no.
On Tuesday whilst walking to school I explained that we needed to make a decision as I did not agree with messing people around and the Football Club would need us to tell them as soon as possible. I asked him to have a big think about it and we would chat again that evening.
When walking home from school he told me he had decided that he did not want to go anymore.
I have to admit I was a bit saddened. First I thought I had finally found something good for him to do. Secondly it had taken ages to find the club!
I nearly asked him if he was sure. I had to stop myself.
Was I going to ask him this because I wanted him to change his mind? I should not be trying to change his mind. It was not my decision to make it was his.

Decision Two - Haircut
Tor has had lots of hair for most of his six years. He was born with lots of hair, he suits lots of hair. He enjoys his Grandad giving him a yearly haircut. (Grandad lives a long way away!)
Tors hair this morning was very thick and pretty long. It was getting in his eyes. Some people at school had mentioned the fact that it was getting in his eyes.
So yesterday I asked him if he wanted his hair cut. After strange faces being pulled he did say yes.
I made the appointment.
This morning I chatted with him about how he wanted his hair to look.
"Like Daddy's" - I cannot remember what Daddy's hair looks like!
"So it can be spiky with gel" - Tor's hair is so thick that I don't think it will ever spike up that much
I nearly gave him ideas, I nearly said "it would look really good like this". I had to stop myself.
Was I going to say this so he had a haircut that I thought would be good, that would be manageable for me?
In the end I said "well, you explain that to the hairdresser and I am sure she will be able to do that for you".

I understand that as parents we need to guide our children through life. We need to keep them safe.

But, do we make decisions for them that really are not ours to make. Should we not let them make decisions even if they are poor so that they feel they have control over their lives? Should we not empower them to choose a path for themselves?

I think so and I am going to try and make myself stop before I ask "are you sure?" Before I try and offer him something else after a decision has been made. I will try and give him all the information so that when he does decide he can definitely do.

Do you let your little ones decide? Do you try and choose for them?

I have linked this post up to the following:

 

 



The Tooth Fairy Machine

Every night when Tor is attempting to wash his teeth without drowning or choking, on what he thinks is the most evil thing in the world, I ask him "any wobbly ones yet?"

Tor so far has no wobbly teeth at all. Not one. We both seem to be slightly perturbed by the fact. I am not sure who is most disappointed though!
Tonight he told me he was really excited about having a tooth come out. I obviously asked him why with a big grin on my face knowing what the answer would be.

"The tooth fairy leaves you a penny!"

I did smile some more with a bit of relief. One penny I can manage!

"So how much is the penny worth?" I ask. "Just one penny. the tooth fairy can't give you more unless you leave more than one tooth." He says this in a very factual way probably wondering why I do not know the ins and outs of the workings of a tooth fairy. He looks at me rather perplexed.

"You see mummy it takes one tooth to make a penny in the tooth fairy machine."

Oh

Didn't see that one coming.

Now all this has taken place whilst toothpaste is spirting from his mouth and he is gargling with his water so it actually sounded like "foot lairy mckeith" but I think I have translated correctly.

You see, the tooth fairy machine comprises of a lot of cogs, big hammers and a stretchy outy conveyor belt. The tooth is taken from under your pillow and put in one end.

"A big hammer then squishes they tooth."

Hammer actions start up and his toothbrushes flies out of his hand and into the hallway.

"The squished tooth then goes through a swirly bit to make it round."

Hula hula hips to the towel to wipe his face and head butt the towel rail.

"And then the long bit comes down"...........imagine him unfolding his arm from his elbow......"and the penny just plops of the end!"

I am starting to worry that my parent duties were not fully explained.

I ask, "so can you use the tooth penny to buy things at the shop?"

He looks at me as if I've just asked him the stupidest question in the world.

"What else would you do with it Mummy?"